this is TO 2019

this is TO 2019.

i have been stuck in the “ville” since i was almost 3. however, my life is very different than the average person here. and no one really knows about it. in fact, i didn’t even start talking about it until i was 13 and even then... i was very iffy about it. even now, who actually knows the full shit show of my life? let’s just say i could use my fingers on one hand alone to count em all....

but in all honesty, i wouldn’t want everyone to know either. i’m a very VERY low-key person. that’s why this blog is a huge step for me, something i have never really done before and actually freaks me out a bit more than i’d ever really wanna admit to someone. i know it’s not a huge deal, it’s just my thoughts out there on the internet, and no one probably even really cares. but for me, it’s the biggest step up i could ever dream of.

it is the town of the snobby rich white kids or the full out brown town, i have to fit in somewhere here right?

do i go with full out brown town ‘cause i am Indian too? or do i go with the white kids ‘cause all those in brown town describe me as “whitewashed.”

i love my culture but it’s not all i’m about; i like having fun. i like doing my own thing. and i LOVE being spontaneous. i just do what i wanna do. what’s so wrong about that? apparently EVERYTHING.

oh. “YOU live in NAPERVILLE” isn’t that where all the rich kids are? “oh YOU are an only child?” wow what a spoiled brat. a princess.

except that’s farther than any of them could ever really imagine. but nah, i sit there laughing giggling and joking around to make the whole scene casual even thought i have got clenched fists inside. better that than to cause a scene right. but i mean they probably wouldn’t even believe me anyway. i am from NAPERVILLE remember.

this YEAR is my YEAR. 2019. i will be graduating high school. committing to a college. and finally getting out of this town that has stripped me of my natural self. it’s okay though because i’ll get me back. and i’m beyond excited for it.