the journey

i love car rides. i love them more than any destination. it’s my favorite part. it’s where i thrive and it’s where i always take a second to look up n be thankful for what i have got because at least in that moment, i am the happiest i can be. 

i do this EVERY time now. you probably think i’m kidding but i couldn’t be more serious about it. and yeah okay i used to not too. but trust me when i say what a difference it makes. it’s worth it.

it’s because i don’t want to love the moment only after it’s over. i need it appreciated during or it KILLS me. i dont stop yearning for it again.

like cruising down the freeway with the best of your friends all smushed in one car singing at the top of our lungs and laughing so hard ‘til we can’t breathe and our stomachs hurt like a lil bitch.

there’s something therapeutic about it. something that gives me peace. serenity.

we all have those days where there is nothing going right. feels like nothing at all. feels like we have nothing to be happy about. and you become sad. you get upset and fussy and you’re just not about it. i mean it happens to the best of us. we reminisce. we feel like things have gone so south that there’s no way back. it’s not worth it. in other terms... we think we are fucked.

but in situations like these, the key is to look at the bigger picture. the WHOLE picture. you can’t ever have it all. there will be good days and bad days. good times and bad times. 

that’s life. that’s how it is. and although it might be a pain in the ass sometimes. or most of the time. taking even that little good from each day will make you the happiest human. just think about it for a second. enjoy it. take all of its potential and turn it into something that will spark that light within you. because isn’t that what it’s all about?

and just remember, if you’ve never felt any of THE bad, how would you even know what THE good is?

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f is for friends

f is for friends

i think. 

i met my bestest friends senior year of high school. i’m sure you’ve all heard this one before. meeting your bffs right before you all have to split up and go your separate ways. it sucks. it’s the worst.

but is it actually though?

this place has been very rough to me. from day 1 i didn’t really have things going for me. but i can’t say the same about now. now i have something to miss. something i’ll always remember. something i’ll be able to tell my kids in 10 years and my grand kids after that. 

friends might come and go but there will always be the ones that leave an impact on you. the ones that show you what true friendship is. and for THAT i am grateful. grateful that i now have something to miss when our era is over and we approach the start of a new one.

wish us luck. 

ice skating pup what’s better than that

ice skating pup what’s better than that

human nature

as humans, we are naturally selfish people. don’t deny it ‘cause it’s true. yeah okay we feel sympathy and empathy and all that good mushy stuff too. some more than others. but when it comes down to it, we naturally have the urge to do whatever it takes to make us happy as an individual. some of us just fight it harder than others.

but i’m here to say there’s nothing wrong with that. it’s important to take care of yourself. it’s important to meet your needs. YOU are important.

so don’t fight it. 

i know i have for much too long now. and what good has that done me? NONE.

don’t feel so bad. don’t beat up on yourself. do what you gotta do. because at the end of the day who do you REALLY have but yourself? i’m not saying ruin other people’s lives while you are at it. i know i get so so SO happy mainly by knowing that i’m making those around me happier. 


so is it selfish because i wanna make myself happy by doing that? or is it not selfish because i’m wanting to make those around me happy?



this is TO 2019

this is TO 2019.


i have been stuck in the “ville” since i was almost 3. however, my life is very different than the average person here. and no one really knows about it. in fact, i didn’t even start talking about it until i was 13 and even then... i was very iffy about it. even now, who actually knows the full shit show of my life? let’s just say i could use my fingers on one hand alone to count em all....

but in all honesty, i wouldn’t want everyone to know either. i’m a very VERY low-key person. that’s why this blog is a huge step for me, something i have never really done before and actually freaks me out a bit more than i’d ever really wanna admit to someone. i know it’s not a huge deal, it’s just my thoughts out there on the internet, and no one probably even really cares. but for me, it’s the biggest step up i could ever dream of.

it is the town of the snobby rich white kids or the full out brown town, i have to fit in somewhere here right?

do i go with full out brown town ‘cause i am Indian too? or do i go with the white kids ‘cause all those in brown town describe me as “whitewashed.”

i love my culture but it’s not all i’m about; i like having fun. i like doing my own thing. and i LOVE being spontaneous. i just do what i wanna do. what’s so wrong about that? apparently EVERYTHING.

oh. “YOU live in NAPERVILLE” isn’t that where all the rich kids are? “oh YOU are an only child?” wow what a spoiled brat. a princess.

except that’s farther than any of them could ever really imagine. but nah, i sit there laughing giggling and joking around to make the whole scene casual even thought i have got clenched fists inside. better that than to cause a scene right. but i mean they probably wouldn’t even believe me anyway. i am from NAPERVILLE remember.

this YEAR is my YEAR. 2019. i will be graduating high school. committing to a college. and finally getting out of this town that has stripped me of my natural self. it’s okay though because i’ll get me back. and i’m beyond excited for it.

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