my mom found my blog

so if you didn’t already get it from the title of this blog post. yes, my mother found my blog. and while it may not seem like that’s a big deal. 

imagine searching your daughters name up on the internet and pulling up on a site of hers that you never would have imagined. reading all these things you didn’t even know. it’s a lot to take in.

then imagine me coming back from being away 4 days for LOLLA to this ambush. not that it was the worst thing in the world.

but it’s a lil eerie to know my mom could be reading this right now. and i know communication sometimes isn’t the strongest of our suits. plus i didn’t know how i felt about it so i haven’t really said anything to any of my friends either.

sooooo i guess i’m writing about it?? also really don’t know if i’ll even end up publishing this because i have no idea where i’m going with this but we’ll see lmao

(btw if i do and you’re reading this hi ma love you hope you enjoy 😅🥰)

anyways, i’m not going to lie it did kind of have me at a stop for a second. but i’ve come to realize and accept that it’s so much bigger than knowing at the back of my head that my mom is reading these. yeah it’s kind of uncanny. and kind of awkward. but i stand by my posts. i don’t write anything that i don’t truly believe. 

and i know as i grow older and i experience so much more. some of those beliefs, they might change. but that’s okay, in fact i think that’s how it should be. we are always constantly learning new things. and shutting off your mind to stay strict to your beliefs honestly does more harm than any good. so yeah not everyone is going to resonate or agree with all my posts. and i’m sure there are things that i’ll read back on and not agree with either. no one’s ever got it straight down all the time. but i get the chance to read through my growth. and hopefully help a couple people at least along the way :’)

there’s always something in any of these posts that i know someone might relate to. or something that gets someone through something at some given time. and that’s what it’s about. 

i know sometimes the language can be kind of vulgar. or it just sounds like it could have been written in a nicer fashion. but the point of this blog is that i want to keep it real. and sometimes that really is just how things are. 

so guys hear this out. it really is so so SO EASY to talk yourself out of things. from minor setbacks. minor issues. to get all wrapped up in your head. to second guess yourself. 

and i know i get in my head way more often than i should. but having that assurance. that sure way of knowing you’re not letting anyone down. i don’t know maybe it’s comforting? except in reality it just ends up being you screwing your own self over. limiting yourself. i mean think about it. 

at the end of the day, what’s the point of doing the same thing as everyone else? to not do your own thing? everything takes time. and to not let anyone but yourself see what you may or may not be capable of…

what do you lose if you find out you aren’t capable? literally nothing.

but what do you gain if you find out you are? possibly frickin’ everything

and while it might feel like it has to be more complicated than that... learn to let go of the control

there’s so much in each one of us to not embrace that on it’s own. 

the pieces will fall where they please. and yeah you might not agree with it at first. but it will end up being exactly how things were supposed to be. 

just takes a lil time;)

me & mamaaaaaa

me & mamaaaaaa