been there done THAT

the end of May is so bittersweet. especially to us seniors who are graduating right now. i don’t think there’s another feeling like this. and it’s so important to cherish the good the bad all of it. 

i remember everything too well. the little details. all the feelings. i look back to each of the events that went on in my life. sometimes i was having the time of my life. and sometimes i thought it was all too much. especially when it’d be one thing after the next. and if you think that’s an exaggeration trust me it’s not. it was unreal how it was. and i used to think i just had bad luck. but i’ve come to realize there’s no such thing as luck. good things and bad things happen to everyone. and while some of us might feel like we get more of the bad side of things. you never know when life is going to switch up on you. 

or perhaps when you are going to switch up on life. 

and you never know what you’re capable of till you’re truly faced with it head-on

so while everything might have seemed to be  never ending. and it felt like it was going to be that way forever

if i look back at these 4 years together.

i don’t think i could have made it work any better. and that i made these past 4 the best they could have been.

and isn’t that what matters? what i gained as an individual? how much i have grown and learned?

i’m 18 years old and all eyes seem to be on me. every last relative or neighbor asking me what my plans are after graduation. giving their countless judgements and opinions on what they know is best for me. i know everyone’s just curious.

but the pressure is put on. 

like yes i’m going to college. and i’m going for me. but i’m not a 100% sure of everything? and even if i have an idea... i know it’s going to change because that’s just how things work out. but that’s OKAY. 

society gets in everyone’s heads thinking you need to have your life figured out by the time you're handed your diploma.

thing is. you don't.

and if you don’t know by now, high school was really not my cup of tea. 7:25-2:25 of class after class only to do it all over again the next day like little robots. trying to pound our brain with all the information it can store. like i was down to learn about the OJ Simpson trial in my genetics class and couldn't keep my mouth shut when we talked about real life issues in my advanced health class. so see i was passionate. just not about chemistry. or calc. BLEH. 

but about the things that i felt mattered. that would make a difference. real things

now don’t get me wrong. school is important. getting an education is important. but the whole mentality of being a failure if you choose to not go to school... that’s just not true. and we hear about people out there who really prove that too. there’s so much pressure put on students with the educational system we have now. and while it’s more flexible than before... that mentality is still well and alive. trust me. 

sitting at graduation made me realize everyone speaking at the ceremony was a "perfect" student. they technically did it all. the kind of kid your parents would be absolutely so proud to show off. the kid you’re supposed to be. and that was their "right."

they got way higher than that 4.0 with those APs and Honors. those SAT ACT scores. the top 5% of their class. so they deserved to speak at graduation. and while that’s such an accomplishment and if that was you, you should be beyond proud of yourself. 

but just knowing there were kids around me thinking in that moment that how well they did in high school determines their success for later on.

my grade point average wasn’t the HIGHEST. but also definitely nowhere near the lowest. maybe i studied for two or three tests within the last 4 years. and maybe i could have put a bit more effort in. 

but everyone’s accomplishments are to their own. and your success is only determined by you. i did A LOT during high school. and i can finally admit that out loud to myself now without beating myself up on all the what if’s. some things no one will ever really hear about. and some things that will never be forgotten. 

but when i talk about how i did high school the best way i possibly could. it’s about priorities. it’s about what your end goal was there. i fulfilled what my hope was for me. but it doesn’t mean that i’m going to go about my college career the same way. 

in fact we are doing a full 180. i’m going to graduate with those high high honors. that 4.0. but i’m going to do it for myself. and make something of myself. so mark my words. 

a new era. a fresh start. a blank canvas. 

i’m more than ready. 

we rly did THAT

we rly did THAT