4 years -> 4 days

if you asked me at the beginning of freshman year where i would be right now as a senior, i wouldn’t have had a single clue. i had nothing planned out. and when i say nothing. i mean NOTHING. most kids know somewhere along the lines of where they want to be at those certain points in their later life.

but i mean even being as clueless i was, i always knew i was a wing-it kinda gal. a go getter when the time was right.

i’m a firm believer that experience is the only way to truly learn something. obviously i listen to people and retain what i can. but i keep it at the back of my head. i can’t take anyone’s complete word for something. and okay maybe sometimes it might be a bit extreme. but after these past 4 years… i stand by it. people can teach you things too sure. but you will never actually know what it will be like for you to go through something until you actually do. because the way one thing affects one person can be entirely different for someone else. 

that’s the beauty of each of us being our own individual. but it is also what make things complex. more confusing for us. because we never actually know.

‘til we DO IT.

so some might say i’m too fast in making my decisions. that i might make some rash ones. that i take too many risks without looking at ALL the consequences. and yeah maybe i’m a bit too impulsive for my own good.

but it’s because there’s no time to waste. i mean we got to just go for it.

WHEN ELSE?????

4 years. turned into 4 days. and while at times during everything it might have felt like the longest day week month year EVER. 

looking back… it all went by so fast. 

yes the classic cliche i know. 

and those impulsive decisions. in reality they are what saved me from crashing down during these past 4 years.

because i made those decisions for ME

and you know there are going to be times where you make dumb decisions. because that’s just the nature of it. you question yourself. your worth. but the best part of it all is that every NEXT decision you make. it can literally change everything. and i mean everything.

your past decisions don’t define you. 

your past doesn’t define you. 

and all anyone else is going to think is how you came to where you are from where you were. so if you’re worrying about what they’re thinking. 

prove your worth. and do it for yourself. because you define you. the rest of them will fall in line one way or the other. and you won’t even have to lift a finger unless you want to :-)

because when you’re living for you. no matter what kind of change comes out of nowhere and turns your world upside down. regardless if it’s good or bad. you have the control.

the decisions you make are going to change what happens.

the experiences that occur are going to change you.

but you are the one who gets to choose what you want to make out of it. because you live with every decision you make. the past the present the future. all jumbled up in our brain. and that’s probably why we can get so overwhelmed sometimes. because we know absolutely everything about ourselves. every little thing. while others see us through their eyes only. their perspective. 

and in reality. they have no idea what is going on in any one of our heads.

my grade is one of the biggest graduating classes at my high school. like probably a little more than 1000 kids. yeah HUGE. 

but you know being at prom and looking around. i probably didn’t recognize half the people there. maybe even more.

even walking down the hallway to your next period you always see so many people that you never have noticed before. and you’ll notice those acquaintances that you’ve seen or talked to here and there…so many different people. 

looking at any single one of them. it’s easy to come up with a whole idea of who they are and what they are like in your head.

and it’s even easier to believe it

but you have no idea. none at all about them or who they are. even after talking to someone once or twice, you really don’t. it only takes a second after to think and truly believe that person has the PERFECT life. that he or she have no problems whatsoever. 

even though that’s kinda dramatic because reality is everyone has their own issues to deal with.

but my point is it could literally be the opposite. you DON’T know. and the best thing you can do for yourself and for them is to not assume. i’m not saying i never assume things about others. that i’m some super non-judgmental saint. because that’s definitely a hard no. i just try not to voice it. let’s be real it can be kinda hard not to assume sometimes. when you have nothing to go off of. or you feel a certain vibe coming from someone. we all do it. 

but i mean jeez. keep it LOWKEY. 

because if high school taught me anything else, it’s about the RUMORS. all the lying.

yeah some of you might be fiending for that drama. but the rest of us don’t need lies and ‘exaggerated truths’ speaking for us. 

like it’s crazy the amount of times someone got to know me and realized i was nothing like they thought i’d be from all the things they heard.

and it’s crazy the amount of times i’ve thought that about others too.

so i guess the point of this whole post is you can’t let any of it hold you back. ANY OF IT. no matter what anyone thinks or does or says. it’s so irrelevant.

because you are the one who has to live with yourself. you know you. better than anyone else ever could hope to try. don’t forget.

4 years -> 4 days left in high school and i mean

after all the rumors i heard

all the impulsive decisions i made

and all the experiences i indulged & overtook

i can say one thing. and that’s to do what you gotta do for you. don’t overthink it and the rest will fall in place.

because if there’s anything i’m sure of now.

it’s that you won’t be able to say it wasn’t worth it at the end of the era.

yes it was worth it.

yes it was worth it.