i like me better

hey yall i’m back. and i’m here to update that my life is turning back into the shit show it truly is. i’m convinced it’s a simulation. 

i had such a rough day. like a crying every period during school but trying not to show it kinda day. and trust me you don’t know how long a 40 somethin min period feels till you spend it holding back everything you’ve got. 

and if you know me. you know how much i hate the idea of crying.

ESPECIALLY in front of other people. like ew no thank you.

but it was just that kinda day. and at the end of the day yes i know too that it’s okay to cry. more than okay. but i’m just that kinda person who’s not tryna. i know it sounds dumb but whatever. i’m working on it.

and i know i haven’t been writing. still don’t really have the motivation. 

but a friend reminded me that i can always just write about anything. and he’s right. sometimes i feel like what i say doesn’t really matter or it’s just so irrelevant. but again WHO CARES. we all go through a shit show. and while some have it harder than others. we all reach crossroads. and we all have to deal with them.

one way or the other. 

so yeah i was being the biggest pussy today and i needed to chill. but i couldn’t. and if this was last year me OOF i would have walked straight out those doors and finessed something so i wouldn’t get caught with the school or have to deal with the rents.

yes yes one of my many fine attributes. 

but i guess what i was reminded of after today is that at the end of the day you’ve really only got yourself. i’ve said it before today. and i’ll probably say it again. but it’s the realest thing i could ever say. 

it’s not really a bad thing. even if it might sound like it at first. because think about it. if you’re completely content with yourself....

then you’re indestructible. the biggest challenge is the mental game. and you’d be untouchable.

so i guess the motive here is for us to get to that point with ourselves. to be one with yourself. to be able to stay true to yourself and know that you don’t need to rely on anyone but YOU. yourself.

and yeah it’s never going to be perfect. but honestly i’m totally cool with just being a little closer to perfect. 

we’ll get there. 

bein all cute n shit in the hell hole

bein all cute n shit in the hell hole