out of focus

yes it’s that time for me. college.

oh yeah it’s ABOUT time. 

so where am i going to be next year? oh hahahah. i have no idea. literally not a CLUE.

i’ll think okay it’s this ONE. the place i want to be at. it’s the ONE. where i’ll be heading to in a couple months. but then two days later i’m in a whole other direction. or two hours lol. but then again. story of my life. 

i’ve been accepted. denied. DEFERRED. 

and there’s more where that came from. 

which if you ask me i’d say being deferred is the worst thing. or at least THE WAIT is. holy moly. i’m too impatient. for my own good.

if you know me, you know i like to get things over with. even if it’s a fail. a huge L. i’d rather just have it happen and move on with my life. rather just go for it than wait on it and have it weigh over me. 

but now i have to wait another two months. and i applied EARLY. wait another two months to know their decisions. so i can make mine. 

so this whole decision. kinda big. kinda decides where i’m going to be this time next year. and that’s just a lil too much. like JEEZ.

but okay look. i know wherever i end up. i’ll make the best of it. and i’ll have the best of times. regardless. because that’s just how i do. and that’s how i like to go about anything. 

so in reality. it’s not the BIGGEST deal. and i find myself not caring where it is i may be for the next 4 years some of the time. because it’s an adventure. and i’m so ready no matter what. or where.

but THEN it’s like …

this one decision. changes so much. almost everything. it’s the base of my next 4 years. the foundation. and it has all the power to reform what happens in the next stages of my life. or more like i do i guess. 

so who knows what i’m going to do with it. 

or where it will have me end up. 

stay in tune xx