“old habits die hard”

balance.

it’s the key to life.

i like to tip the scale time to time.

fine maybe all the time.

but okay hear me out. i’m one of those people that are either at an all or at nothing. like i’m either at a 0 or i’m at a 100 and i don’t do no in-betweens. i like to go all out. it’s my biggest struggle. something i’ll always have internally.

it was late summer of 2018 when i realized that things needed to be changed up. and real quick at that. but something about being someone who either goes big or goes home is that they are usually also very IMPULSIVE. or at least i am.

think about it. how easy it is to convince yourself to take the next step and the step after that once you start having moves set up in your head when you’re an impulsive person. you just do it. one thing after the next. one step after another. and then you’re there. 

you’re BIIIG time in it.

so as soon as i decided that things had to take another direction. i got to spin around my impulsivity into something to benefit me. for the better. because i was already set. there was no going back to the old ways. no more toxins. my mind was made. because not only am i impulsive but once i set something, it is always in my head. i can’t get rid of it. 

but retraining yourself to do things not as before. it’s not easy. those habits stick. you know the phrase, that old habits die hard? yeah whoever came up with that phrase wasn’t messing around. 

so that self control. for an impulsive person? and yes i see the conflict there too. therefore just think of how crazy it is to get those two things. impulsivity and self control to work together. to reach a common goal.

and now i’m not saying that i did the impossible. or that it is all under control and i’ve got it down to a perfect science. there’s no flex here. because that’s just so far from the truth. 

i still fuck up. a lot. but cmon who doesn’t. 

and even so... now i’m at a place within myself where possibilities i could never have even have imagined... they are at the horizon. just at my reach. 

and i can only imagine what can come beyond that. because as soon as i reach what’s at the horizon. there’s more coming my way. it’s never ending. that’s the beauty of life. you’re always one step. one decision. away from a whole other life. 

make the most of it.

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